This Saturday I did something I had never done before, and will never do again.

I watched the X Factor………….

It was not my fault, honest, Jane and I went for dinner to her sister’s and we did not realise that she is an avid viewer.

I feel so ashamed, I feel dirty.

My impressions? Dreadful, so bland. This was supposed to be the rock programme. Not a pebble in sight. A Lenny Kravitz look a like did a decent imitation. Two gormless, and strange, twins murdered ‘We Will Rock You’. They should be arrested. There was a soul number and someone tortured ‘Come Together’.

For those that have not seen it here is the formula. There are 2 judges that pretend to dislike each other. There are the 2 female judges who are there to add ‘glamour’ and seem to know little about real music. The acts are people who would be good at a local karaoke, not ‘good’ just good compared to me singing at a mike…..
The audience is made up of friends, family and people with taste bypasses. (The audience is obviously given some sort of payments for each whoop, cheer, and clap – there can be no other explanation of their response).

Of the acts,

Lucie (the pretty one) has a reasonable voice and almost avoided doing terminal damage to to “Sweet Chil’ ‘o’ Mine”. Although it was off putting to hear “sweet child” and sweet English pronunciation rather than Axl’s “Sweet Chil’ ” and slippy delivery.

Stacie (the one with teeth). Apparently, the revelation of the week was that she could walk and sing – at the same time! Also, her definition of rock is obviously very broad, very. Ugh.

Danyl (playing the victim card this week) The only victim was some song by Wet, Wet, Wet….. Dire

Joe (pretty boy) I have no recollection of him, must say something….

Lloyd (The prettier boy). Sang “I kissed a girl”. Dreadful song, dreadful performance, cringe making awfulness.

Jamie (The rocker) Lenny Kravitz should take out a contract on him.

Olly (The Smarmy one) Smarmed his way through “Come Together”. I wonder if he knew how it was supposed to sound? If he did it was ignored, strange arrangement. So bland he should dress in beige.

John and Edward (The comic relief) Nothing funny about this duo or their performance of “We Will Rock You”. They got the lyrics wrong, the melody, the ethos, Christ it was just dreadful. There should be a law against this!

Guess what? I will not watch another edition of this ‘entertainment’ show.